A feather in the hand is worth a bird in the air

This is BW. We call him B-dub for short. He is the uncle of all of our feral cats from Cincinnati - many of whom were left behind when we moved. Not out of neglect, but out of inability to capture them.

We managed to trap, neuter, and relocate six of them. B-dub and Patrick are the only ones who still live on our farm. Finnegan, Patches, Fiona (daughter of Finn & Patches) and another feral male were brought here but did not accept their new home. They escaped from the barn during the 'acclimatizing' phase and broke my heart. At least Finn & Fiona were together. And they are spayed & neutered and will not add to the population crisis.

One of the ones left behind in Cincinnati was Pyewacket*. She is a gorgeous little girl and tame enough that I could hold her. Her daughters, Luca and Lilliana, each aged a year apart, were quite ill as babies. We have kept both of them as inside pets, and Luca & Pye were spayed the same day.

The vet and I jokingly called it "Mommy/Daughter Spay Day" - as opposed to "Spa", of course.

Out of the kindness of her heart, a neighbor down in Cinci who was assisting the Ohio Alleycat Resource organization with the trapping, let Pye go. She's not a cat person, but she is a kind soul. Pyewacket was in a trap, waiting for the OAR to come get her, and the neighbor was concerned as it was hot and Pye was in the sun without water.

So, my beautiful Pyewacket is lost to me forever. As is my sweetheart, Finnegan.

But, these are the risks you take in life. You love, you lose. You love, you win. You never know where the roulette wheel will stop.

The seemingly little choices we make often influence the rest of our lives, while big ones, so we think, don't quite have the magnitude we worried about.

While I love Finn & Pye with as much love as an animal lover can, I hope they are well. But, there comes a point where I have to realize that no matter how much those two meant to me, they are not with me. Both of them left me. Both of them ran, out of fear of the unknown.

I am left with B-dub. He's a very good cat. He brings so much joy and asks for so little in return. And, he gives me gifts. He once brought me a shrew! (Shortly after moving here, I came out of the back door and a small, dead furry object was lying there. Patrick & D-dub were running down the sidewalk. I think it was a thank-you gift for their new home!)

I admit, at times he makes me mad - he is the reason we no longer have a bird feeder - but he is, after all, a cat.

Finn & Pye will always be in my heart. I will always look at Luca, their daughter, and Lilli, Pye's girl, and remember.

All I have is two photographs of them and memories; they are like birds in the air - lost to me forever.

But B-dub is here, feather in 'hand' . . . or is that 'mouth'? (He is feral, after all. And very vicious, as you can tell.) He always greets me, never fails to make me smile.

I will learn to be content with what I am given.

* The name Pyewacket is taken from the Jimmy Stewart movie, Bell, Book, & Candle but also refers to an imp "familiar" of an accused witch in 1644.