On "stuff" and substance

I have a dear friend whom I've never met.

He lives in London (and he is probably reading this right now - you know who you are! ). He has an amazing, selfless website and I met him through there. I used to help him out on the site, but with my health issues right now, I am trying to focus on my own well-being and getting things done around here that have long needed doing. We have known each other nearly 4 years, and while we have never met, we talk usually 4 times a week via email, sometimes 4 or 5 times daily. Most of it is silly nonsense, or sharing links to interesting lectures or songs. But just enough to know we are thinking of the other.

Just this past weekend, I heard his voice for the first time. He sent me a recording of himself singing "Blowing in the Wind" while playing guitar. LOVED it! You have NOT heard Dylan until you have heard it with a British accent!

So, while my dear friend is very dear to me, as are his beautiful boys and gorgeous partner, there is still a 'thing' between us.

You see, my husband and I may be visiting friends and family in London in the fall. Well, friends other than my dear one. He is concerned, and was open and loving with me about this, that he is not on the same "level" Husband and I are.

We own a farm - he lives in a flat in the city. In the urban, gritty guts of London.

I teach college & Tim is a surgeon - he is an artist, art instructor, and (in American terms) a handyman. Definetely a different economic strata, but what of it?

We are married - he is in a domestic partnership (with two adorable guys to show for it!)

But, what he perhaps does not realize, is this is all "stuff ". Stuff isn't what matters, it's substance.

Content of character has always meant more to me than content of wallet. And his carefree, Bohemian lifestyle he often describes to me makes me jealous (YES! I am jealous of you!). He has installations in schools, he has students lining up for his classes. He is living the life he loves instead of the one he pre-planned.

And I admire him for it.

But, because of his own 'fear' (for lack of a better word) of not measuring up (for lack of a better term), he feels he couldn't meet me face-to-face for coffee when I am in London.

Huh.

He lives the life he chooses. Maybe I am not worthy of him.